*the unedited rantings of a fat 43 year old menopausal ex -talk show host * -married mother of four- read at your own risk - my spelling sux (add * ocd * adhd * lmnop * suv * dvd * y not me)

4/13/2005

rich man poor man

i love the news cafe
tiny and trendy
yet real enough
2 survive the smell of tourism

susan is visiting
she needs a gift for her in- laws
an ash tray maybe a tacky frame
with MIAMI in day glo pink

i am lost in the sweatshirt corner
looking for a double XL –
even though the XL looks huge
to me it is never big enough
unless it says double XL.
and i wonder why i never seem able to lose weight
don’t fuck with me
i am a double XL

i walk into the tiny back room
i bet it was a walk in closet at one time.
there are floor to ceiling racks of magazines
a tiny dark brown bamboo love seat
a tiny table sits in front of it
i saw him come in
watched as he sat down
quickly

he is in his early 20’s.
he is handsome, homeless
and i think schitzophrenick
i am totally intrigued
captivated

susan and kel are 30 feet away
looking at towels
they slowly make their way into the space that holds me and the beautiful boy/man

i know his look would scare some
not me
i want to get right next to him
but i wait

he speaks finally
a whisper almost - a wish
“hi rosie” - he mumbles
his eyes move quickly around the room
not landing on me - ever
i turn toward him slowly
“hi - what’s your name?”
i ask extending my hand

he stares at it – then takes it
“michael...michael” - he says
and becomes distracted
i wait till me comes back
he does
“why did you shrink your hands?”
he asks, perplexed
i hold his eyes
“they are not shrunk, i am a woman, my hands are smaller then yours. hold yours up, i will show you”
he does and i do

he nods
but i do not think he understands
to him – it is obvious
i have shrunken hands
he sees my scar
traces it with his finger
“are you good with a sword - like dragons and castles?”

i wonder when he stepped off
decided medication
was hurting more then helping
when did he believe
he was well enough to go without
did he tell anyone he stopped
or did he just slip away
right before their eyes

“no i have never used a sword. i have never seen a dragon. are you on meds michael?”

he answered without thinking
rattled them off - i caught only a few klonopin, attavan and something- adol
he put his hand through his dirty brown mane and cracked his neck
i imagined him well
clean with a choppy hair cut
new abercrombie and fitch clothes
he could model
this boy with the sky blue eyes

i ask if he needs any money
“no i have money in my pocket”
“do you need anything michael?”
shakes his head smiling - then not
“nothing - are you on vacation now?”
no, i tell him i live in miami
as I am speaking
he gets up and walks away

i find my kel by the t shirts
i settle for an XL,
as there are no double xl’s
in all of Miami
i need a double XL
in black
it is slimming

we pay and leave and there he is
by the curb
smoking a cigarette
he nods at me
i nod back
i take the black t shirt from my bag and throw it to him
“i did not pay for this” he confesses
“i did, it’s for you”
he stares at me for a minute.
then says “rosie, you’re crazy.”
i laugh, yes michael, i know

the new tim daly show - eyes
is great
the guy from rich man poor man
plays the villain
triple love it

comments are back
as ping pong alone is no fun
at all

I met with a super blogger
computer god today
together we hope
to kick it up a notch
photos and flickr
who knew this would be such fun