*the unedited rantings of a fat 43 year old menopausal ex -talk show host * -married mother of four- read at your own risk - my spelling sux (add * ocd * adhd * lmnop * suv * dvd * y not me)

4/06/2005

making vivi

i buy fourteen pregnancy tests
the names amuse me
first alert - early response
something serious is happening

“that’s a lot of pregnancy tests,”
says the cashier – a lost osborne
blue hair and a nose ring
yes - I say smiling
but they are on sale

she stares – all goth
unimpressed or ignoring my celebrity
“throwing in a snickers for luck…
(dramatic pause) rosie”
a wink
i love teenagers


five days since insemination
yesterday I turned forty
today - a bold red plus
nothing tentative
an addition - absolutely


here we go - a new baby
born by christmas
smelling of heaven – peace – god
no matter what form she arrives in
single or twin - boy or girl
she carries with her a lesson for me
about serenity and surrender
safety and falling
faith and doubt –
work and love
she will show me
and I her
how to build a new self
or an old self now lost
bit by bit – day by day
my job is to show up
here we go