*the unedited rantings of a fat 43 year old menopausal ex -talk show host * -married mother of four- read at your own risk - my spelling sux (add * ocd * adhd * lmnop * suv * dvd * y not me)

3/29/2005

trials

see this man - marky h
has been summoned by the king
will he serve without thought -
will he fight no matter the cost -
is marky houser buyable ?

yes screamed the crowd
enthusiastic and proud
yes he nodded
not quite convinced

i found out
the moment he finished his questions
about the letter - i knew
no one owned marky h

he - a man - a stranger
privy to my creepiest corners
he has seen my twisted mind
guided only by some mad yellow truth
purging via keyboard - demons of the night

he knows - marky does
the parts i am most ashamed of
wrinkles - warts and cracks
he has seen inside

so he has me
i have been prepared warned
my guys - the good guys - who are all girls
made sure i was ready

in his hand the letter
i will forever call spousal privledge
although i name no personal e mails to kel
this one shall scream its name in bold
before anyone gets to see it

THIS WAS NEVER MEANT FOR YOU
YOU ARE READING THIS
BECAUSE I AM GAY
AND THEREFORE DO NOT HAVE
SPOUSAL PRIVLEDGE

"are you familiar with this document ?"
i avoided his eyes - may I read it
to refresh my memory
allowed - i knew

i felt each word as I read
four minutes maybe five
that doesn't seem long
but stop - now - look at your watch
do nothing for the next 5 minutes
now - do nothing

only then did i look at him
i stood before marky houser
naked and vunerable
and do you know what
he did not

now i knew
i felt - i prayed - i believed he wouldn't
but frankly i was starting to doubt
my instincts

allow the yellow

marky chose not to kill
light over dark
the potential of each soul

i saw it
i lived it - i have it on tape
as proof
not all men are alike

emotionally i was done
i cried for the whole weekend
a glorious rain of relief
i have been gone too long
away from myself
from my fear - my shame
from me

there is no get out of life free card
you may choose to sleep
or eat or run or fight
but do any one thing too much
to excess -
to fill up the aching part
only prolongs the procession

a pathetic pause
it doesn't take away the why
just the pain and after a while
not so effectively

if cnn covered our soldiers
our crippled casualities - sons and daughters each
returning from iraq -

1/2 as much as they do terri schiavo
this war would be over

martha beck wrote an amazing book
"leaving the saints"
while expecting adam
the yellow arrived
and they lived happily ever after
thank you - thank you - thank you

kanye west - take em to church
peace