*the unedited rantings of a fat 43 year old menopausal ex -talk show host * -married mother of four- read at your own risk - my spelling sux (add * ocd * adhd * lmnop * suv * dvd * y not me)

3/14/2005

missing

the last time we spoke about anything sean penn was in iraq
she was outraged - couldn’t believe him … “who does he think he is going over there”
i took a breath looked up and said
“i think he is brave, i wish i had his courage, to say with whatever fame you may posses –NO WAR!”
that was the end of the conversation

well a year had past since sean won the oscar -
we are even father apart
a few months back she asked if i saw the passion of the christ -
she used the full title
yes I told her - I did
what did I think , she asked

“it was kinda boring and too bloody - braveheart was a better film"

she loved it - the most overwhelming 3 hours of her life
she did not think it was anti semetic at all
she thought mel gibson was brave for making it

brave - hmmm
was she looking for a fight? testing the water?
i asked about the comments attributed to mels father
that the holocaust never happened
she answered with
“ well he is old and they rang his door bell and it was taken out of context.”
I said nothing

trying for civility – wish for a moment of something
i told her my kids missed hers
“oh yea” she said
yea - i said
her turn for nothing

“you do realize i got married?” i asked
although we spoke since my very public wedding
her only comment was
“so how was san francisco?”
lovely this time of year
endless nothing

we hung up

that night I saw angela shelton on 48 hours
angry – incested - out going - beautiful - insane
she showed the underbelly – the gross ugly parts
the sin and the shame – regret and pain
she called for others from her tribe
they all showed up - howling

now her movie – searching for angela shelton is brave
but mel – christ – safe easy
not so brave

i have questions i am not allowed to ask
as birthdays go un noticed
stinging every time

she is gone
i never thought it could happen

i saw a documentary about siamese twins in ireland
beautiful little toddlers
their cells intertwined
the parents made the decision to separate them

one died - the other recovered
and spent the rest of her life
looking over her left shoulder
for the one who used to be
part of her