*the unedited rantings of a fat 43 year old menopausal ex -talk show host * -married mother of four- read at your own risk - my spelling sux (add * ocd * adhd * lmnop * suv * dvd * y not me)

3/15/2005

miami mark

so i drove alone
to eckerds
miami is home
always was

I see him
vibrating – one eye slower to track
not quite lazy but mis wired
I am in a convertible
and I feel his stare
as I pull up

he walks over as I say half aloud
here we go

his name is mark
And he is 33
He shakes my hand
He tells me he is homeless
Been so for a month

On meds I ask
Yes he lists them
And what else…
Crack he says

Tomorrow is thanksgiving

Can I do him a favor and call his mom?
His girlfriend has left him for a woman
No I say as I hand him 10 dollars
But now - you can

But it would mean so much coming from me
Yes I tell him – too much

I go into eckerds
I buy three nerf balls for the kids
our house looks empty
during the law suit darkness
I thought I could live without it
I cant –this home is heaven
Our nerf balls were soggy

He is waiting for me when I come out
This 33 yr old homeless handsome man named mark
And his friend runs up
Drunk and sunburned
Meathead meets brian Wilson
Shit - he says and drops his plastic bag
It is you baby
A hug
And I do

You know rosie – you came out ok in that lawsuit
I followed that
You were like hey fuck you
Right
You said hey fuck you

Yes I did

And his face beams
Like a dad on a little league field
As the ball flies over the fence

Mark knows nothing of what he is saying
He has not followed the case
He is confused
“she won’t call my mom” he tells him
nodding at me

“but I gave him money to call”
I say too desperately

A boundry
I wanted to scream
Did you see that – I just did it
No I cannot get involved mark
No
I have too much
I can’t be your tether

The beach boy asks how much money
Mark shows him the ten
“that’s my girl” brian bellows smiling
as he opens my car door

I get in
out of the rear view window I watch
They get smaller – waving – happy
And over

Maybe it is a new day