blogging vf

NOT OFFERED FOR THE TRUTH 2002

so judith newman writes a shitty article about me for vanity fair
she feels – I imagine - guilty for doing so –
as it sucked totally - full of nothing

so as the trial ends and we await
judge gammermans decision

her need to apologize gets the better of her
she e mails me

i wrote another essay about her
an essay very much like this one
and when I got sued
they copied my hard drive
and used all essays like this one
as evidence
of...........

there it was - in one of these
i described judith newman as a "nerdy jewish woman"
which she is

g&j thought they had a slam dunk
anti semite cancer curser – hip hip horray !!!!!!

by the time I got to my deposition
I knew where they were going
kel had had hers and
warned me

you are not supposed to talk about your deposition
to anyone
but you do

so when I sit down face to face with him
in my depo - I tell him
marty - the nebbishy jewish below average lawyer
before we start – I say hey

“listen my kid had a briss - on the 8th day -
performed by a moyle - I buried his foreskin in the backyard”

this is no joke
stunned silence
he does not quite know what to do with me

i also tell him
as I am clipping on the microphone
that the woman in “find me” is real
we went on vacation together
she does exist

free-bees-4-marty
then we start

so judith e mails
after the trial ends
but before the judge decides if they owe me money
or I them
the money thing
it fucks people up – always

she says something like
“ i may be a nerdy jewish gal –
but i told you they would sue you …
wanna have lunch – I don’t welch on a bet”

that was what the e-mail said
a fact – I still have it – somewhere
the truth – judith felt bad

so I e-mailed back
something short and witty
“but judith you don’t tell the truth”
send
and an reply zipped along cyber sapce back
how I lied under oath…

‘cancer curser ‘

during my deposition I was asked
if lying causes cancer
no I said –
but truly it isn’t a yes or no question
it is – like life – complex and intertwined
mental spiritual and physical health
all strands of a french braid

did I lie when I told marty I don’t think lying causes cancer
no – not to me – if that were a "real" fact
we would all be dead

but on the whole – do I think being a good person
knowing your teammates - playing fair
loyal to a t -
increases your chance for health
yes I do

I didn’t respond to judith newmans last e mail
full of how hard it was for her to write the vanity fair piece
how much she worked...... blah blah blah
judith newman - she also told the ny post
that I did not like people with cancer or jews

remember that next time you read one of her celeb profiles

I forgive you judith newman
as she swears she doesn’t want it
yea - send