*the unedited rantings of a fat 43 year old menopausal ex -talk show host * -married mother of four- read at your own risk - my spelling sux (add * ocd * adhd * lmnop * suv * dvd * y not me)

3/20/2005

annie

sorrow floats – that’s what he wrote
john irving –– hotel new Hampshire
two words one sentence
i never forgot it

i found out
yellow floats as well
half empty half full

painting now
i get covered daily – everywhere
yellow has been in heavy rotation
as is black and deep blue
but when i get in the tub
only yellow - hope
rises to the top time after time

i look for black –
scrubbing the calf i saw it on earlier
there deep in the dark bubbly beyond
nothing
just yellow - always yellow
floating on the surface
refusing to give up

soon after my show ended
i saw annie lennox in concert
bare her latest – beyond brilliant
if she had a blog
folks would tell her to cheer up as well

the apollo theater in harlem
she was amazing
i stood – as did all - all except him –
the small man with the wide glasses
busy scribbling notes
a reviewer

“ get up” i said smiling
stranger to stranger –
feel this

“dont tell me what to do rosie o’donnell – I don’t have to listen to you - only my wife tells me what to do”

she was standing next to him
moving to annie
she rolled her eyes

“hey relax dude – it’s all good”

and after the show
the wife gives me a note apologizing for her hubby –
telling me she had survived breast cancer
thanking me

on the way out we chatted
woman to woman
the cancer zone has no celebrity meter
so there we were – the 3 of us
waiting in the rush to get out
the husband had calmed
laughingly said it was his testosterone –
I nodded
men are a mystery

real life moments are coming back – slowly
walks to town – spin art – a movie in bed
pick up at school

chelsea announced in the car yesterday

“i really hope you don’t die until i am a grown up –
cause I don’t know how to do everything yet.”

yes i told her –
my open angel of a girl – i hoped so too
i will be here when you are grown chelsea –
i will be nana to your babies.

“i am not having any babies in my tummy –
i am having brown babies and horses”

she knows what she knows – my daughter
tomorrow I am 43
still feels like borrowed time