*the unedited rantings of a fat 43 year old menopausal ex -talk show host * -married mother of four- read at your own risk - my spelling sux (add * ocd * adhd * lmnop * suv * dvd * y not me)

3/02/2005

academy awards

chris rock rocked
hosting is a thankless job
you work for free
for the honor
and you try
to shine

comedy is hard in hollywood

i presented once
1992 - my 30th birthday
it was surreal

best animated short
i considered doing a danny devito joke
but did not

best foreign language short
i memorized the names
uber tison and didiaye flamon for la vise
i said it over and over
a thousand times before that night
executed it flawlessly
then smirked
tiny laugh

i did not go to any parties
i took my huge gift bag
back to the 4 seasons
and investigated my new loot
all of which i left for the maid

gluttoney

and was anorexia at a new high this year
or is my perception off
i have been at the mall for 3 years now
and to me
renee zelweger looked sickly skinny

i saw an amazing documentary about jockeys
how they all starved themselves
how the weight limits were un attainable
rampant disease
a place for them to vomit in the bathroom
specially made

they were expected to hurt themselves to be the best
and many did
it was heartbreaking
after one too many died
they started speaking out
eventually
the weight limits were changed
many lives were saved

does anyone believe kirstie alley is now 183 pounds
why am i so obsessed with this
i am
in hollywood - you can even sell a show about the truth
with a lie
i hope her show is a huge hit and she never loses a pound

my new goal is simple
this will be as large as i get
i am now at my peak
my goal is to gain no more

i think i can do it

and let's hear it for america
yesterday we decided that we would not kill children