*the unedited rantings of a fat 43 year old menopausal ex -talk show host * -married mother of four- read at your own risk - my spelling sux (add * ocd * adhd * lmnop * suv * dvd * y not me)


wife swap

i searched the internet till midnight
there was only one nicki boone with a number listed
she lost her cat
i dialed
" leave a message...." said a voice unlike the one i had just watched on television
i didn't leave a message

bobby is my assistant (- bullshit - he is my brother)
also up and fuming about the abc show we just saw
find her - i im'ed
and he heard the mission impossible music in his head

three minutes
i found her he said - talked to her - she is home now - call
i do
nicki boone - from wife swap
nicki knew the odds up front - the playing field was not level
we are not even considered real wives

"we juz shakin up" ms guilispe snarled
yes doll - cause you won't let us get married
no win - forced default

still - with a fist held high above her beating heart
my nicki - she fought
with grace and dignity and something that made my skin shiver

yes - stand up
all of us
stand up - open your mouths
come in peace
but stand

this is rosie odonnell i said
no way she said - just like jeanne weenie
my third sister

i am nicki boone
she is me
"come on my boat" i begged
bring your wife and child
let us celebrate you - brave one
nikki boone
i can't wait to hug you