*the unedited rantings of a fat 43 year old menopausal ex -talk show host * -married mother of four- read at your own risk - my spelling sux (add * ocd * adhd * lmnop * suv * dvd * y not me)

2/08/2005

6 months after leaving

everyone at the elementary school hates my car
“looks like a mistake rosie – one big huge error!” then he laughed – the man with the grey eyes - followed by a chorus of moms noddong at the “marshmellow white mess.”

the ponitac aztek comes with a camper attachment in the back. one can sleep in this vehicle – on an air mattress –
available with the sport package. I got the sport package`- and the dvd player and the optional sunroof.

when I was a kid I wanted a gremlin. my aunt minnie had a gremlin – green and squat with the faint smell of cherry tobacco
that was the first car I dreamed of. next was the pacer – my gym teachers maroon red pacer – with the aquarium glass bubble back.
yes – that was car number two. I flirted with the pt cruiser – but it was surface and all about image. that car – I have been told – looks like a baby hearse.

not the aztek. mine is– all white – a truck car – a macho yet feminine auto –with gallons of guts.

I called the dealer and ordered one on the phone. the guy sounded surprised – but I figured it was the fame thing.
celebrity calling – odd that.
a guy came to my office to have me sign the papers. a tall very handsome man with amazing energy. felt like I knew him. we sat down and held each others eyes – and out of nowhere and everywhere at once - he told me I was being ripped off - that these cars were sitting rotting on the lot –noone wanted them. he asked if I knew the aztek was rated the ugliest car of the century – and right behind it – in second and third – the gremlin and the pacer.

I smiled at the man – and felt what he was about to do - he gave me 4 thousand dollars off the quoted price on the phone – I should not sign these papers he said – he would come back later that day with the revised contracts. we sat for a moment – and I told him I would give away the money he just saved me – to any charity he liked. at first he resisted – but then agreed
with pure intent comes pure result - young and brave and full of ethics.
nothing happens by chance.

so I drove my aztek for 4 months while a tv personality. not a word was said.
now this – my new reality - with no show armor – people hate my car.
they ridicule it – they cannot understand why I have it – being rich enough to get any car.
I tried to explain about the hatch back camping feature -
“who the hell camps anyway?” he did have a point.
I have never used the tent – but I like knowing I can - should I want to.

so I went on he net – after thirty days of peer pressured car shame - looked up some alternatives.
the bmw – aztek looking suv-truck thingy of comparable size cost three times as much as my aztek.

today is sept 25 2002. i did the today show to talk about the magazine law suit. katie asked me if i was as bad as some say. i smiled at said hey you know me. "but i have never worked for you rosie" was the reporters reply. my heart ached. people forget too quickly.

salvation came, not five minutes later – when a beautiful man introduced himself at the stage door. A florida resident - a lawyer– thanking me for my adoption stance.
did he know of the king boys, I asked – their case, their history.
no he said
so i told him of the young brothers on trial in florida for killing their dad. young abused boys 9 & 11 - a pedophile next door friendly with the cops. worse than any movie of the week.
I gave him my home number – asked him to find me the top female lawyer in that county.

when the magazine sued me I hired mary jo white. at the press confrence I said I got “the best female lawyer in ny”
offensive - I have heard to many – including kelli and mary jo.
fact is – I never considered a man. I knew the energy I needed would be found in a female vessel. I choose a woman – on purpose – and I needed to say so – not so she would feel invalidated – but superior.

I left the today show – and went on to my "save your soul" press tour. had anyone watched the show for the last six years?

that night a woman named jayne called me – asked if it was right – her calling as I had asked for someone – right.
Yes right. defend the king boys I told her. I will pay. she took a little convincing – but did it. right there – again
pure intention – pure result. do not use my name – do your job – give these boys a spoonful of hope. let them taste justice for once – finally. defend them in the light – stay there till you win.

she did.

she called me from the courthouse – in tears or close to it. I was painting – listening to pippin.
“they threw it out – overturned the conviction. I can’t believe it – I don’t believe it.”

believe it I said – cause this is gods light. there was silence - she was crying – this woman I had never met - her mom had died six months ago and her pain was intense. this was her first case back since - and it all seemed unreal. She wanted to believe.

well I told her - trying not to sound too annoying – too convinced
you will believe. this was a person to person call – from your mother to you.

on wednesday I will have lunch with her – this stranger from florida – a state that seems to have lost it’s soul. I will drive in to new york city in my aztek knowing two boys lives were saved for the cost of a bmw.

on the way in – I will listen to pippin

"morning glow morning glow
starts to glimmer when you know
winds of change are set to blow
and sweep this whole land through
morning glow is long past due"