*the unedited rantings of a fat 43 year old menopausal ex -talk show host * -married mother of four- read at your own risk - my spelling sux (add * ocd * adhd * lmnop * suv * dvd * y not me)

12/21/2004

my baby boy

five and fierce
pins put in his busted elbow this morning
now - in bed next to me
his lips dry and cracked

a newborn waited
unaware
on the cot next to his
mother and grandma
crying beyond scared
too tiny - this baby
to go under and out
to have to fight so soon
for life - air
unfair

out of myself
gratitude
perspective
half-full

i cannot spell
i never could
commas and capitals
only in the way
on i go
unworthy
blogging
hmmm

who is the mother
we both say me
instantly
instinct

not of my body or blood
this brilliant boy
naming every animal
without a thought

the doctor comes in
i am not as famous now
but any fame helps
always
in emergency rooms

what did you do kiddo
he asks
broke my skeleton he anwsers
and my knees wobble
as my heart again grows

do i regret leaving
the razz ma tazz
queen of the world
they said
all of them strangers
my world
made up of 6 vital souls
that is the deal i made
my promise wish prayer

how selfless people think - say
no - i know - purely selfish
life perservers
each one
i took 4
knowing with them i could never drown

my boy will remember this day
his two mommies there
when terror shook all 49 pounds
soft songs sung


chances are i would have missed this
had i not jumped
i would have been at 30 thousand feet
hoovering speeding across
to important and validating
saving strangers righting wrongs

lay down the cape

two and 1/2 years now
i have been back here
at sea level
present paniced and plain
a mom
with watery eyes
nodding at the others
my sisters my friends

take care of your children
as i will mine